Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Quote of the Day

"A bad bitch always wins. If not by merit, she will do so by default via the grace with which she handles defeat"

- Sesali B.


Monday, November 16, 2009

The issue of humanity....

One of my favorite things to say is "I'm a bad bitch. I never said I was perfect." And I never would say that, because I'm not. In my first post that outlines the Bad Bitch bylaws I mentioned that being bad has nothing to do with perfection, I'd like to take a few minutes to elaborate on that...

Because we are all only human, none of us were blessed with perfection. We're all different. Some of us are bad, some of us are typical... but at the end of the day we are all just people. But see the funny thing about humans is that it's in our nature to forget this sometimes, especially when we are hurt or feel wronged. But acknowledging someone else's humanity will make you feel better. Think about it... How many times have you said "She got a fucked up attitude. I don't like her" or "I just want him to like me and act like it" or "This dumb ass just cut me off on the road"? We never stop to think about what might be going on in that woman's life to make her that way, or that we can't dictate how he expresses his feelings, or that the crazy ass driver that cut you off is just trying to get home or made a mistake. Don't get me wrong, there are assholes out there that have no regard for or even get pleasure out of hurting/mistreating others, and if you feel like you know someone of the sort get away as fast as you can! But for the most part, if you just remind yourself that you are dealing with another imperfect being (like you) who is trying to figure things out (like you), makes mistakes (like you), and doesn't have all the answers (neither do you), it will bring you some peace of mind at the end of the day. This makes forgiveness, something that's never easy, a little less difficult.

And in case you don't believe me, I've been repeating "he's only human" in my head for the past hour and its the only thing that's stopped me from shedding the tears that keep trying to force themselves out.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

How Young, Fat, & Fabulous Changed My Life. And Can Change Yours Too!

One of my (many) new guilty pleasures is fashion. People that know me probably can't tell because with a $25,000 university bill I can't afford to revamp my wardrobe right now. But let me tell you, in my head I can dress my ass off! Every month I used to go to Borders, grab the essentials (Vogue, Elle, and Harper's Bazaar) and sometimes the extras (Nylon and Style), and escape. I would open that magazine and by the time I was finished with all 300 plus pages of the first one I would be transported into a new life. And this life I have a Black card with no limit and I am a part of a secret society of fashionistas alongside Rihanna, Victoria Beckham, and Kimora Lee. ::sigh::

Somebody please give me $2,000 so I can get these Marc Jacob boots!!!

But one day, I miraculously found myself one step closer to my dream, when I was introduced fashion blogs, specifically, Young, Fat, & Fabulous. Now before any of you get deterred by the title assuming that it is only relevant to fat bad bitches, IT'S NOT! Gabi is by far the best dressed person I must say, she put me ON! I found new places to shop, new blogs to love, and a new eye for fashion that Vogue just couldn't give me. And oh yeah, she's fat too!!! Thank you Gabi! You're inspirational!

SO without further ado check out Young, Fat & Fabulous for yourselves!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Why Bad Bitches Love Strip Clubs

In case you all haven't noticed, I'm what most people would call (although I don't self identify as such) a feminist. So it may come as a surprise to many that I have a deep love for strip clubs, a place that receives much criticism for objectifying and exploiting women. And while some clubs may foster a hostile environment for their dancers, I do not think that every stripper is miserable with a life saturated with being demeaned and disrespected. So, what exactly is it that I like so much about strip joints? Well first of all strippers are Bad Bitches. It takes a lot of courage to be nude in front of strangers. But to do it for 8 hours in 6 inch heels, while performing acrobatics, and maintaining a bad bitch stance is.... simply put, AMAZING! Also, the same systems of oppression that reduce women to body parts have created social conditions (i.e. single motherhood, pursuing education) that require women to seek alternative economic opportunities. In a nutshell, these women need/deserve to get paid! They can count on my business. And last but certainly not least, strip clubs have better DJs and music! They play shit that makes you move!

So in the honor of strippers everywhere, here is my national strippers anthem... R.I.P. Pimp C

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Certified Bad Bitch: Ms. Yinka!!!

I am so excited about introducing you all to our first featured Bad Bitch in The Bad Bitch Society. Being featured pretty much takes you from being an ordinary bad bitch, to CERTIFIED bad bitch! So, without further ado...

Yinka is a senior at the University of Illinois, has style OUT OF THIS WORLD (in case you didn't notice that's Pink Rang Rover... nuff said.), and has a heart bigger than Kanye's ego! This chick got it goin on!! I had the pleasure of interviewing Yinka and here's what she had to say about being a bad bitch.

What makes you a bad bitch?
I am? Oh gosh thank you…I’m just a chick trying to graduate and live! I will admit I’m an extremely motivated person who has goals and ambitions like the next person. I take initiative and make sure my daily activities are always in some way pushing toward one of my goals. I can never be satisfied with being average, or being “comfortable” where I am. I’m always doing something in a continuous effort to develop myself and prepare to bring into existence my highest and best. Simply put: I work hard, play hard…then work harder!
Another thing that complements my “bad bitch” persona is being a positive person and simply encouraging others to do and be their best. I also surround myself with individuals who encourage and uplift. I don’t concern myself with the downs in life because I know God is with me and will always get me through everything.
Also just understanding that with anything I do, the impact I have is bigger and beyond myself. So I try my best to represent myself in a positive manner, make others smile, encourage, and find the good in everyone.
In regards to appearance: I’m very well maintained and put lots of effort in making sure I look well for an occasion. I loveee getting dolled up for parties, events, socials…catch me any other time I'm probably in workout clothes and I'm fine with that. :-) For certain events, my friends would tell me “It’s a small event, no one is going to be dressed up” or “Its gonna be lame, it doesn’t matter” It kind of always matters to me though. I don’t base my attire on what everyone else has on. I just wear what I feel comfortable with.
So simply put… I'm smart, unique, driven, classy, positive, encouraging, well-maintained, extraordinary, and fashionable. In the words of Miss Sesali Lewinsky, “I'm a bad bitch…nuff said.” Lol.

What bad bitches inspired your badness?
umm…My momma. She’s the best and expects nothing less out of me. So yeah, gotta keep the tradition going and all…lol

How can you tell another bad bitch when you come across one?
They are always on their stuff! Always setting goals and conquering them. Driven, Inspiring, Encouraging, and have a purpose that is greater than themselves. They aren’t scared to take risks and always set new and higher standards; they shift old and create new paradigms. They are well maintained, not just on the outside, but the inside. They could care less about drama around them and can easily ignore negativity. They don’t settle and know and understand that they deserve the best!

A bad bitch always...
Respects herself, values herself, never feeds into drama, never settles for less, lives it up and appreciate the blessings God has provided her!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

The word "whore" wasn't invented by a woman

In my quest to discover the roles of gender and sexuality in my communities and break down sexist, racist, homophobic, etc. ideologies within these communities, I've discovered that when it comes to the empowerment and agency of women, I receive the most resistance from other WOMEN! As a certified bad bitch I was horrified at this revelation! I was shocked at how many women I see on a daily basis participating in the exploitation of other women's sexuality and/or degrading the existence of another woman in general. To give you an example of what this looks like, I have selected 3 incidents I've observed and decided to break each one down to the best of my ability. I figured it would be better (and wouldn't remind me so much of my monotonous life as a student) than just writing an essay about internalized sexism, patriarchy, etc.

So the first incident... about a year ago at a program (about uniting women of color on campus) a female participant made this comment, "These girls walk around this campus like they are so high and mighty, but at night they do some scandalous things" (or something to that effect. NOTE: scandalous=sexual). I noticed all of the things wrong with this comment as soon as it was made but did not have the opportunity or time to address it the way I wanted to. So first things first... Is it really anyone else's business what these women are doing "at night"? It's not. Furthermore, the fact that, with regard to women, sex has become "scandalous" is a problem in and of itself. Among women, sexual liberation has always been taboo. And although things have changed drastically over the years, women who do not fit into the box of heterosexual, submissive sexual roles are still targeted for ostracism and discrimination. Additionally, sex is still used as a way to measure a woman's worth and/or character, a trend not found with men. And this comment is a perfect example of that and the ways in which women have adopted this as a method of condemning one another. The underlying message, considering the topic of the program, was that the sex that these women engage in behind closed doors makes them bad or undesirable people. If this is true, stone me. Bad Bitches have sex lives (even those practicing abstinence/celibacy). Sorry.

The second thing I'm about to address isn't an isolated incident, but a trend I always find on Facebook, some of you may have noticed this as well... When a guy (especially a popular, well respected, or "attractive" one) posts something negative about a woman, there is usually a BUS LOAD of other woman that come to back him up or show their support of "outing that bitch".. Sometimes they don't know the woman in question, the situation that sparked the post, or even the man. Women, their bodies, lives, and sexualities have always been oppressed and regulated by men (you didn't think a woman invented the term "whore" did you?). And anyone who acknowledges that should recognize incidents like those on Facebook as just one of the many ways men police women. And to see women rush to assist in this process, shows that we have internalized sexism just as people of color have internalized racism. Men set the rules against women, but other women enforce them. All of this leads me to the third thing (a common phrase heard from women)...

"I don't mess with females like that. They are too ...[insert petty, phony, fake, sneaky, dishonest, or any other negative adjective you can think of]" I hear this phrase from women of so many different backgrounds, some more hypocritical than the next, all unbelieveable. I've heard this from women who attend all girl schools, lesbians, women interested in sororities, women raised by single mothers, women who are attracted to misogynists (someone who hates/mistreats women), women who work on women's issues, women who have daughters, women who claim to love themselves. This is the frightening reality of the world we (women) live in. We have been so affected by sexism and patriarchy that we have indeed internalized it, ESPECIALLY within communities of color. And what is even scarier is that we don't even know it. In the social justice sphere there is a popular saying that "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere" for those of you who dont get that (and just because I love her) I found a translation from Ms. Nicki Minaj...
"You see a bad bitch gettin shine you should love it. Cuz everytime a door opens for me that means you just got a better opportunity to do you..."
And I couldn't agree more.

So when I hear people say they don't mess with females I can't help but ask... How can you not??? That means you don't mess with yourself! Being a bad bitch is about uplifting and bringing out the bad bitch in others, not only for their benefit, but for your own!!!! Because everytime I put down another woman that makes it easier for a man, or another woman, to do the same to me. Audre Lorde said it best "The master's tools will never dismantle the master's house" therefore, until we stop bashing each other the bashing (from everyone) will not stop.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Quote of the Day

"I wish to live because life has within it that which is good, that which is beautiful, and that which is love. Therefore, since I have known all of these, I have found them to be reason enough and- I wish to live. Moreover, because this is so, I wish others to live for generations and generations and generations and generations."

-Lorraine Hansberry

I would normally have a few words to say about the quote I pick, but I think I'm going to just let you all run with this one. This shit is deep.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Hi I'm a Bad Bitch and I'm a Shopaholic

Thursday night I went to a frat house. A place you'd assume I'd be more familiar with considering I'm a senior at a university with one of the largest greek systems in the country. But, for various reasons (admittedly some of them valid, some based on assumption), I'm not. But Thursday I learned my lesson about judging a book by its cover, or even its table of contents. So Thursday after a very good program***, I stepped COMPLETELY out of my box and and acted on an invitation to go to the frat house... and found the most unlikely ally...

See, I'm a shopaholic. And in case you think I mean that in a "I love money and shopping and it's cute" way, I don't. There's actually nothing cute about it (except for maybe the stuff I buy). Overspending has become my little dirty secret and my big, problematic habit. And after discovering that I wasn't alone in this (from the most unlikely person) I immediately began to think about how I got to this point in my life. Now I am in no way an expert and I'm almost sure that stuff like this is different for everybody, but here are 3 factors that I have come to terms with and observe in others too...

1. Spending gives me a sense of control. Think about it. Once you have it, your money is yours. You spend it at your leisure on the things that you want to spend it on. Even if you have bills, there is no one "forcing" you to pay them (please be advised that it IS NOT a good idea to not pay your bills if you want decent credit). But there is definitely a feeling of power and control behind spending money that's yours, especially with big purchases.

2. I, too, am a sucker for the Jones (and no, I'm not talking about my light skinned friend). Like most people of color, my senses have been bombarded by images of indulgence and materialism at their best, or should I say worst. Either way, I'm a sucker for a Coach bag, a nice weave, and trips out of town like many other people. I just can't afford it!!!!!!!!!!!

3. Growing up, I was never "taught" anything about money except in the context of number 1. of this list. How many of you have ever asked a parent as a child why they took your phone or Play Station away only to be answered with a harsh "BECAUSE I PAID FOR IT!"??? I know I got that alot. What did that teach me about money? That in order to have any control over my own life I had to have some! No one ever sat me down and had a talk with me about savings, investments, etc. So now the spending habits I developed as a child have followed me into adulthood.

... So here I am, a broke college student, struggling to pay bills, and spending like there's no tomorrow. But they say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. I hope that other people can take this step as well and maybe we can all come together and get through this!

***The program I attended was about gender roles in the Black community, a subject I'm very invested in as a gender studies major/African American studies minor. I was going to post something about it but I found everything I wanted to say in a post on one of my friend's blogs. The post is called "Worth: Who Decides?". Check it out!