Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Fake Virginity... Worth It?

Something else that may shock people about me is that I am and AVID fan of plastic surgery. Well, not necessarily a fan, but I'm not against it like many people would assume I am because of my "feminist tendencies". I like the idea of being able to change the way I look at will, given that I can afford it. In my opinion it's not that much different than dieting for weight loss, changing the color of your hair, or getting a tattoo. But I think there is a fine line that should not be crossed.

Which brings me to the horrifying existence of hymen reconstruction, also known as hymenoplasty. Hymen reconstruction, as its title insinuates, is the reconstructing of the hymen, a thin membrane that protects the opening of the vagina. This can be done by sewing together a torn hymen or inserting a hymen implant. If you are already disturbed, you should be.

As always, I did a little research before sitting down to write this and here's what I found on a site called "Revirgination". It is a great summary of the reasons people pursue this procedure.

"The virginity of a woman is valued for religious, social, and even economic reasons. Hymen gets disrupted after the first intercourse or even after strenuous physical activity or tampon use. Anyway, you wouldn't want your boyfriend / future husband feel ashamed because your hymen no longer existed."

I'm going to just dig right into this one and expose it for the bullshit that it is. First of all the term virginity is almost always used in the wrong context. Has anyone ever met someone that engages in oral/anal sex only and still refers to them self as a virgin? Fail. You are a virgin if you have not chosen to have sex. So to clarify, a survivor of rape is indeed still a virgin because they did not CHOOSE to engage in sexual activity.

They make a good point that virginity is indeed valued for various reasons, especially religious ones. And I hate to burst anyone's bubble, but if you've already has sex, I think God knows about it and can't be fooled by a fake or restored hymen. Sorry.

But I don't think people are that naive. And this brings us to the stressed point of the website "You wouldn't want your boyfriend/future husband to feel ashamed because your hymen no longer existed". And we have reached the root of the problem. Get your vagina "fixed" to please your man and avoid embarrassing him. Male privilege at its finest. The most obvious hypocrisy found on the site is that they acknowledge that a woman's hymen can be disrupted after strenuous physical activity or tampon usage, but still refer to the hymen as a "representation of virginity". It's not. Fools. And to take this a step further, who needs their virginity validated and/or represented anyway? Why isn't "I'm a virgin" enough? And can someone please help me figure out how this works... do you lie to your partner about being a virgin and THEN get a hymenoplasty? Or do you make the decision to give him an authentic "virgin" experience by having the procedure? In the former case you should probably reevaluate your relationship with your potential sex partner if you feel the need to lie about your sexual history. In the latter case, is the pain and money worth it? Think about it. Your partner is going to tear through it anyway, potentially causing you ADDITIONAL pain and essentially wasting hundreds to thousands of dollars on something you only got to use once. Also it doesn't even tighten your vagina*** so it really is a one time deal for the "virginity experience". I don't know about you, but I'd much rather have those Marc Jacob boots!

The point I'm trying to make is that you shouldn't alter your body for anyone's sake but your own. If your boyfriend/husband suggests bigger boobs (preferably willing to pay for them as well) and you think "Hey I guess an extra cup would be cool" then go right ahead! But not for the sake of avoiding his "embarrassment" or keeping up a lie that you probably shouldn't have told in the first place.

***If you are interested in tightening your vagina there are products that can do the trick, and for only 10 bucks! Or if you want to do it the old fashion way, a few caps of vinegar in your bath water will do fine. Your partner will appreciate it. But you didn't hear that from me...


  1. I watched a special on was very disturbing to me,that a woman would do such a thing. I just can't imagine it!!

  2. The reputation and standing of a family may be irrevocably lost if any of the daughters loses her hymen prematurely, even though young girls are usually a victim of rape. This is why an incident of rape is usually kept a close secret and rarely divulged. The real criminals of society remains safe, out of reach, protected from the hands of the law- whereas the victim who loses her virginity, the girl who loses her hymen- for whatever reason, is doomed to lose her honor. Her hymen is her hymen, and once lost, it can never be replaced. Why is it that the most essential part of a women has become her hymen, or how many sexual partners she's had? Go ahead, ask a man what defines virginity and purity? They'll defer back to their embedded sexist and violent knowledge of the hymen. We see girls and women across the country and world who are nothing more than victims, victims of a world created by, and for men. And the result? Loss of women. For women (for can afford it) who can afford to go out and "repair" the damage because if not a virgin, she is nothing more than used.

    Women are not mere instruments, objects, or commodities. So why is it that she is more valuable when she is new, or in other words, a virgin...a girl that has not been made use of before. Her value drops with previous use, previous marriage, previous sex! She is nothing more than a second hand women. A women who has experience of life and sex is not only considered less worthy than a naive and inexperienced girl, but meets with refusal as though experience were a stigma. Why can't we be real and admit the beauty and excitment of SEX! Who wouldn't want amazing sex, pleasure is good!

    Many men can not stand an experienced and intelligent women. Those men (and women) are nothing more than afraid, pathetic souls- because it's of her capacity to see through him. Straight through his failure, weaknesses, and masculine front. Psuedo masculinity which is thing more than an external shell, built up and imposed upon them by society. A society that they themselves have made and built but ironically, at the same time, has caused their slow rate of insanity. No one can live up to the normative discourses in society, and for those who come close, they are often the most unconscious living beings. How sad.

    And remember that sexual rights practiced in many westerns socities do not lead to emancipation of women, but to an accentuation oppression where women are transformed into commercialized bodies and a source of increasing profits. Don't be fooled.

    What we need is for all women to have the mental and phychological development that is essential for a progressive movement towards a greater independence of personality, the ability to advocate and make choices, personal freedom, and a sense of responsibility! Let's do away with the many girls and women across the world that have been trained to suppress their own desires, to empty herself of authentic, original wants and wishes linked to her own self, and to fill the vacuum that results with the desires of others. The deprived environment that most women live in leads to ignorance about themselves and of their own bodies of which they have no ownership in! A girl who has lost her personality, her capacity to think independently and use her own mind, will do what others have told her and will become a toy in their hands and a victim of their decision.

    A true woman (and man) of intelligence will EXPOSE every aspect of these patriarchal norms and refuse these bogus expectations of them. They will see straight through the binding, damaging contacts of society. Rebel against this white, male, heteronormative, and colonized land- start to change your mind and dreams!
    Wise women and men, Be more than your ego and rise to consciousness...

    ~Brittany Carbonara