Sunday, November 21, 2010

Fly away to where you wanna be....

Writer's block. By far the scariest shit I've ever experienced. Cause? In a nutshell, I need to start taking care of myself. If myself was hair, I need to stop putting it in a ponytail and do a deep condition and a hot oil treatment.

Anyway, the matter at hand. A change of location is one of the most therapeutic things you can do. And sometimes it's what will keep you alive.

One of my best friends is moving. My best friend that I spend about 78% of the week with is moving to a different part of the country. My older sister told her
"you're breaking my sister's heart. She won't even talk to us about it."
Well sis, you stand corrected. I'm not heartbroken at all. My best friend needs to take of herself, something I have been failing to do for myself, and this is how she is going to do it. I'm going to miss her, duh... but I understand what it's like to feel trapped and suffocated by your physical location and need to just "fly away" as the bff calls it.

By the end of my time at my old campus I had began to die. That may sound a bit dramatic but that's what happened. My mind slowly but surely began to close its doors and windows. My heart was in harm's way. My body, it literally started to break down on me (I now have $4,000 in medical bills as a reminder). That place (I won't name it out of respect for those that find peace and happiness there, but if you know me you know where it is) was toxic to me. It was draining the life from me, making it that much harder to live. I was a shell. Things didn't look up for me until the moment I knew I was leaving.

Chicago didn't present the things I had expected/hoped for, it's different now that I'm older. But leaving that other place was enough to revive me. I'm breathing now and have regained feeling. I'm still paralyzed, and still filling the shell that I had become in that small town, but I'll be back to normal, or perhaps someone new, in time.

With that being said, I am looking forward to my best friend moving. I don't want to see her walking dead. A new place, a new potential for inspiration, creativity, and opportunities is like an inner body makeover. Changing the outside affects the inside. And on the flip side, being here without her makes this place different for me as well.

So I encourage you to find out where you wanna be, or at least get the fuck away from where you don't wanna be. Don't worry about what you've established there, that's probably contributing to your misery. Take what's good, leave what's bad and fly away.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

What we can all learn from Kat Stacks

These days, anyone even slightly familiar with the hip hop game has heard of and/or is commenting on this woman known as Kat Stacks. A little bit of brief info for those who don't know. This is Kat Stacks.



She is a hip hop groupie who has set the internet on fire by exposing her sexual rendezvous with various rappers. Now we've seen this before, reference Karrine Steffans, but there is something very different about Kat Stacks approach. Check this video out and get a taste of what I mean...



Now before I share my own personal opinion about her "career" I think that there are some other very important issues that need to be addressed.

1. Kat Stacks has admitted to having UNPROTECTED sex with some of her partners on multiple occasions. Need I say more? So today, doing research for this post, I caught wind on the net that Ms. Stacks is allegedly HIV positive. My first thought... I can see that. There is nothing funny or entertaining about this woman. Kat Stacks is having sex with men she doesn't even respect and what that tells me is that underneath those bangs and implants there is a woman harboring a deeply felt hatred for people in her heart. Being infected with HIV can cause some people to become that way. Thats a hard pill to swallow. I hope that these allegations are not true and I hope even more that she is keeping up on her status and begins to make more responsible decisions by using condoms.

2. The Kat Stacks controversy has really got me thinking... DO ANY OF YOU RAPPERS HAVE ANY FUCKING SENSE? So she's exposing numbers, airing videos, and ya'll still getting up with her?? FOOLS! And if she is HIV positive lets consider which one of you could have GIVEN it to her, which one of you could have GOTTEN it from her and could be GIVING it to other people. With Kat Stack's rap sheet do you idiots realize you could be contributing to an industry wide health hazard? #comeonson

Now before any of you think that I am a Kat Stacks fan or supporter...

I think she has a wonderful opportunity to be a great investigative journalist, or at least a very successful escort (and I am not saying that one is better than the other one) however she is completely throwing both of these opportunities down the drain. For example, she's wasting the majority of her 15 minutes of fame on D list rappers that no one cares about. When you can tell me all the naughty things Jay has to say about Beyonce, you'll have my attention.

There is a much better and more lucrative way to handle her "career" but honestly, she is a sucker for the glitz and glamour. She could have a much more consistent income by sleeping with these men and keeping it private. She wants her face on the screen and its sadly going to be her demise. Don't believe me? Watch this...



This is not the only time hands have been laid on her. Seriously, if you want to make a career of "outing" celebrities, get some better bodyguards, know how to throw some hands, start carrying a gun, or something!!!! Dummy. Always be able to back your shit up and create a safety net for yourself.

Now supposedly Kat Stacks has a book scheduled to be released in December, you've heard her speak... her poor editor.

The point I'm trying to make is that I don't knock anyone's hustle, as long as it's safe, not hurting anyone, and not putting you or anyone else in danger unnecessarily. It is not her job to be a role model to people's kids or any of that bullshit. But your type of reckless behavior is the type of thing that can lead women trying to play your game to the grave.... if you don't beat them to it.

So what can all of us ladies learn from Kat Stacks? STEP YOUR PUSSY GAME UP!!!!!! The end.

Other Side of the Game

For me personally, one of the hardest parts of being bad is being able to acknowledge and confront my shortcomings and weak points. I realized that owning this blog makes it especially important to be able to do this because I can't emphasize enough that being bad has nothing to do with being perfect, or even trying to be. As I mentioned in a previous post, I'm not the baddest. I'm far from it. So here is my list.

#1 It is sooo hard for me to sit with uncomfortable feelings. That has led me to be for the most part unemotional and borderline insensitive. Truth is that theory and practice sometimes conflict and when my personal ideologies conflict with how I feel, I find my emotions and the emotions of others, unjustifiable. I didn't realize this until I observed that on the rare occasions when I hurt I keep it to myself and when I cry I do so alone. My friends have been trying to tell me this for a while but...

#2 I don't receive negative feedback well. To be honest, I don't receive positive feedback well either. I might say I do, and it might seem like I do, but I don't. It makes me uncomfortable and because of #1 its easier for me to just dismiss it.

#3 Despite all of my experiences, good and bad, I still maintain and irresistible and inexplainable attraction to the wrong men. This one scares me to death because even the smallest fusion of two very intricately designed lives is potentially catastrophic, or possibly perfect. And it can change the course of history. It's dangerous.

#4 Self discipline... what is that?

#5 This one is very important because it took me 30 minutes to even decide whether or not it should go on the list. I realized that the fact that I needed to have a debate about it meant it did. I could SERIOUSLY use a nice, heaping dose of humility. My best friend has been trying to tell me this for years. And to be honest, I'm terrified of who or what is going to deliver it to me.

#6 A nasty habit I've developed is neglecting the fact that I was not always as confident as I am today. And doing so is a slap in the face to people who still find themselves debilitated by their own insecurities.

#7 It is so important to me that people "understand" me, but sometimes I have such a hard time "understanding" others. Furthermore, I'm grappling with the idea that the concept of "understanding" someone is rarely attainable in the first place.

#8 I can admit it... Sometimes I need to shut the fuck up and LISTEN!

#9 I'm not as bad as I say I am.

#10 Finally, I'm actually badder than I say I am and I have to start owning that responsibility.

Thank you for listening. (#11 I need to express my gratitude more often.)

Sunday, August 8, 2010

UPDATED! Giving Whoopi Goldberg a Piece of my mind (Profanity Alert)

I know I'm a little "late" with this piece, please forgive me, I'm not on celebrity news time. But this still needs to be said...

Whoopi Goldberg is what I like to call a "fuck girl"! You know one of those people with a little influence who clearly has no idea what to do with it or the responsibility that comes with it. She is acknowledged and heavily admired in the media but you can't help but question if the real Caryn Elaine Johnson is anyone worth raving about.

In my opinion, she is an insult to people of color, to victims of sexual assault, and what I identify as a "danger" to black women (I'll elaborate on that later). On multiple occasions she has proved to be completely ignorant and insensitive to issues of racism and rape.

Lets start with her defending Roman Polanski. This is a grown ass man (age 45) who orally and anally raped a 13 year old girl, after drugging her, supposedly with the assistance of her mother. He was charged with raped, but ended up pleading guilty to sex with a minor. (Please excuse my harsh tone but just thinking about what he did pisses me off!) Here is what good old Whoopi had to say on the topic. (I love the annotations by the way!)



My immediate response: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?

Roman Polanski, an ADULT, WANTED to sleep with a 13 year old girl! End of story. The language we use does not matter. His "specific" crime doesn't matter, his bank account doesn't matter, and his age doesn't matter! I don't need ALL the facts. I know enough, he needs to go to jail and Whoopi, you need your ass thoroughly kicked for even attempting to defend him! "We're a different kind of society... the rest of the world sees 13 and 14 year olds in a different way..." Seriously? THE GIRL HE RAPED FELT EVERY BIT OF THE 13 YEARS OLD THAT SHE WAS! That was a disgraceful statement to make! And regardless of her age, he violated her by engaging in sexual acts without her consent, which is SEXUAL ASSAULT. Fool. I sure hope no one sends their teenaged daughter on vacation with her.

As if this was not enough of an evident character defect, this year Whoopi starts 'Uncle Tom'-in as she defends Mel Gibson's racist rants.



Whoopi. Let me make this so very clear: Your FRIEND Mel Gibson is a racist. And any fool can see that, including you. Do you think that because he has a relationship you and your family he understands the complexities and issues of race? Sure he does, everyone knows Black men run in "packs" like animals. To help put this in perspective... White people have a history of befriending Blacks, historically they were called "mammies" and "house slaves". Wake up!

It is for these reasons that I say that you are a danger to black women. You sit in front of masses on national television and indirectly send the message that the racist insults are excusable when you are drunk. Why? Because we know you wouldn't say those offensive things if you were sober? What should Mel Gibson say? "Sorry my racism slipped out"?

I feel like Whoopi sets us back so far they should not even have allowed her to play in The Color Purple!!!! FUCK GIRL!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Trying not to be "that" chick...

Again I took another break from blogging. After Hoes: The Mini Series I almost felt as though I had outdone myself. It was a relief to get that bit of honesty off my chest. I've noticed with this blog that it can sometimes be a struggle to make my position clear. I am not writing from the position of "the baddest" teaching people how to be bad. The reality is that I am bad, and this is how I think about the world and the best to operate within it, even on the occasions when I'm not necessarily following the manual. In case you can't tell, I do not follow guidelines set forth by anyone other than myself. And that right there is how I've avoided becoming "that" girl.

Now this is not a post about strags. The women I'm talking about are not strags, exactly. These are just women that... ::trying to find the words:: go with the program. They say what they think sounds right. Even when it contradicts there own actions and feelings. They abide by social codes and cues, meaning that their presentation is usually on point. They invest in their appearance, they go to school and/or have a successful career, they do what's right for the most part. They say they're confident and they might be, but in a just satisfied type of way and only because they get messages all around them that say that the ideal woman is "CONFIDENT and SEXY".

But when you ask this woman what her passion is she might draw a blank. When you observe her in relationships (which she is probably always in because where she's from, you ain't shit unless you got a man remember? So she's rarely single) the confident woman from a moment ago vanishes. She is likely to have issues with women, or certain type of women (like let's say "hoes"). She says things and you can tell she just says it because she thinks it sounds good. Fellas you've probably met a couple of "those" chicks before. You know, she fine as hell, and she's not stupid because she has the degree/good job or whatever, but you just can't figure out why after a couple of weeks she was so uninteresting.

The answer? It's because she lacks substance. I think that it can be very easy to become "that" chick when you are consumed by so many messages that guide you on what it means to be you. When you only respond to social cues and codes, as opposed to developing your own conditions and lifestyle based on your own experiences and emotions, you become a pretty ass empty shell. Nothing really sets you apart, there is no uniqueness or individuality. Creativity is an unknown condition and inspiration comes from... well, I have no clue.

Sometimes I have to take breaks from this blog to make sure that I am living up to its purpose by not just being one of "those" girls that just SAY they're bad without really attempting to take the title to another level.

And on that note I think this is a perfect opportunity for those who haven't to check out the bylaws.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Let Me See Yo Nails!!! #2






Gotta love a handful of rings. Some things just really remind me of home... and that's one of them.




















The story behind these is that they were supposed to be cheetah... #fail. But you can never go wrong with polka dots on your nails.










Black is great way to tone down nails with a bunch of a designs. I never thought about that until I saw these. ------->









These are from Chicago's Drama Queen, Demi Lobo! Animal print is another one of those things that just can't go wrong on your nails.










In case ya'll haven't noticed.. the fast food workers are killin the nail game! ----->










Of course I had to represent for the natural nails. By the way, I did these myself!











You guys didn't really think the white girls weren't going to catch on did you?------->







If you want your nails featured at the Bad Bitch Society (even if they're just one color) just shoot me an email! sesalib@gmail.com

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Hoes: The Mini Series Pt. 6 "Quote of the Day"

"Whore is a word we made up for women who like fucking as much as men do"

-Stacey Ann Chin

Hoes: The Mini Series Pt. 5 "On behalf of so called hoes everywhere"

And now I would like to make a statement on behalf of so called hoes everywhere. If you've ever been called a hoe repeat after me.

"I like sex so I do it as much as I can and I don't give a fuck what you think about it. While I respect your religious/moral views, they are not mine and do not apply to my body and/or life. And if we've slept together you are as much of a hoe as I am. And if we haven't, mind your own damn business! Now save that hoe shit for somebody who gives a fuck."

Hoes: The Mini Series Pt. 4 "No, YOU the HOE!"

So in case it hasn't been made clear. I don't agree with the term hoe in its "traditional" form. But do I think hoes exist? HELL YEAH!

-A hoe lies about the people they slept with. Men stop lying on your dicks and women, if you let him hit, you let him hit... admit it.

-A hoe doesn't respect their bodies themselves enough to protect themselves. I would like to add here that those "prostitutes" everyone looks down their noses at are cleaner and healthier than the bitch that fucked you raw because you told her she was pretty. Their livelihood and money depend on it.

-A hoe sleeps with people they don't respect. SO for all the men that call women "hoes and bussas" and are eager to bed her, sit down.... wit yo HOE ASS!

-A hoe uses sex to intentionally hurt other people.

-A hoe is ashamed of herself and/or her sexuality. I may have seen more dicks than a urinal but i go to bed with a smile on my face at the thought every night.

-A hoe has sex to please other people besides herself (i.e. all the women that continuously sleep with men but never have an orgasm)

-A hoe doesn't respect the Code.

Hoes: The Mini Series Pt. 3 "Pay for Play"

Completely random thought: Doesn't the term "pay for play" sound like it should be written in a bathroom stall with the words "call joanne 773-555-1234"?? LOL

Anyway, I have a confession to make. It may be so horrific that you may not even want to support this blog or me anymore. It is so disgraceful that you will probably want to pray for me or some shit like that. But here it is.... I support prostitution.

I know, it's absolutely terrible that I support 2 consensual adults coming to an agreement about their own finances and their own sexual activity. The horror! I confessed this to you all because I wanted to touch on a certain brand of so called hoes known as groupies and gold diggers...

This is just really another issue that I feel is judged in a very one sided manner and dictated by everyone EXCEPT the people involved in those type of relationships. Think about prostitution busts, the police are never as interested in going after the customers are they are the actual sex workers. If we are demoralizing women for using their bodies for financial gain, why are we not holding men using money for women's bodies accountable? Also, so the fuck what if she is willing to have sex for money. Is it really different than spreading that amount of money out into a series of dates and gifts (aka dating in America)?
Also, as a society, we put ALOT of emphasis on virginity and "holding out" in order to acquire status, attention, and material things from men. "Save something for your husband" (as if my hand in marriage, potential children, sharing half of my life with you forever, etc. is not enough), "make that nigga pay before he get some", "no one wants to pay for a cow when they can get the milk for free", "If you give him too much he'll lose interest (FYI: if you hit this and then lose interest you're gay) are all messages that scream YOUR BODY IS A MEANS TO GET WHAT YOU WANT! And what's fucked up about these methods is that you are denying yourself experiences that you may be genuinely interested in having.

And from another perspective, if it is ok to have a preference for tattoos, certain hair color, certain penis size, certain dress style, religion, etc. why is it not ok for a woman to be sexually motivated by a financial incentive? I can imagine that an orgasm backed with a check being quite intense.

And if there wasn't a market, meaning wealthy mean THIRSTY to give these women money, we would not need to have this conversation.

Now.... where the cash at?

Hoes: The Mini Series Pt. 2 "Interview with a hoe"

Before you get all excited, NO, I did not find a so called hoe and interview her. But I wanted to use this time to address some of the questions I heard people ask about sexually "deviant" women (I fucking hate that term. Deviating from what? Anyway...).

Why do you have so much sex?
Because it feels good and I like it. Why do you always go to your favorite restaurant or read your favorite magazine?

Don't you think you should have more respect for yourself?
Who told you I didn't have respect for myself? In fact, I have so much respect for myself that I tune in to exactly what it is that I want, and I go for it. I keep it safe, sane, and consensual. Can I respect myself any more than that?

Don't you worry about STD's?
Of course, as much as the next person. But I wrap it up.

Why can't you pick one person to sleep with and just stick with them instead of doing it all over the place?
Because I like diversity. Keeps things exciting.

Where is your dignity?
Probably somewhere inside this good ass pussy. Just kidding. But seriously, since when does sex rob people of their dignity? I'm a great person, I love to help other people, I encourage honesty from everyone around me, and I'm a bad bitch. And with that, I think my dignity is still in tact.

How would you feel if your daughter was doing the things you are doing?
If she is doing it just like I am then I would be proud that my daughter was responsible and comfortable enough to make her own decisions, protect herself, know her own body, and realize that her body and sexuality are no one's but her own. I see you missed that last memo.

And that's all for interview with a hoe.

Hoes: The Mini Series Pt. 1 "Keep it on the Low... or you could be a hoe"

Sorry about the corny ass title but I just couldn't resist. Now before I get deep into my own "hoe politics" let me break this down for those who don't really know what's going on. There are people out there, whom you may or may not have had sex with, who analyze YOUR sex life so that they can label it and you as what is commonly referred to as a hoe. I know, it's absurd. But hey, its just one more thing women go through. The term is interchangeable with the words slut, whore, bussa (created from the Chicago term bust down), runner, tramp, groupie, bopper, to name a few. It can also be expressed in phrases such as "She's easy" or "She goin" (I think that's another Chicago exclusive).

But anyway, the fact of the matter is that you can only be crowned the hoe title if someone knows about your sex life in some capacity and gives it to you. Therefore, another very accurate title for this post could have been "why I don't give a fuck if you think I'm a hoe".

So after you have this title, what does that mean for you? In my opinion? Not a damn thing (another reason for my alternative post title). Supposedly it makes you "unwifeable". What a joke! So I should be ashamed that some clown I probably wouldn't want to marry anyway just so happened to find out about two of my sexual encounters and doesn't want to marry me? Ha. When I find someone I want to be in a serious relationship with we will be in one. Because he won't give a fuck who I was sleeping with before him (as long as I'm STD free of course). And that's just the bottom line.

And that's the killer about this whole hoe thing; it only applies to women but it's completely centered around the opinion of men. And then there are women that support such a silly agenda by helping to further "tarnish your rep". I wrote about women like that here. Anyway, it's all pretty silly. Unless you broke the Code and it was her man she shouldn't have an opinion about who you slept with. In fact, adults don't concern themselves with who other adults are sleeping with. I'm a grown ass woman, I'll do what the fuck I want, with little to no regard for how or what you think about it (A third and final reason for an alternate post title).

But for those of you who do care, be mindful of this: if you have a lot of sex, try to keep it on the low or risk the chance of being called a hoe.... not that it matters.

The "Code"

From the time we (women) learn about the institution known as dating and relationships, we are very aware of the delicate balance that must be maintained while dealing with relationships and friendships. It is a concept that grows stronger and more significant as we get older (in middle school half my friends had dated the same guy at least once and back then, that was ok). But the fact of the matter is that there is a "code", one that we must and do respect. Bad Bitches know better than to challenge the code in any form but there will always be shady broads that try to push the envelope. If you have one of those in your life direct that shady bitch in this direction so that there will be no discrepancies if and/or when she crosses you.

The Golden Rule: If you are cool with* someone, you do NOT fuck with** anyone that they've fucked with**, are fucking with, or are trying to fuck with; and if you do, be prepared to not be cool anymore.

Now as I mentioned earlier there are such things as shady broads, and they try to find a loophole but in my breakdown of the golden rule I hope to leave very little room for error.
*"cool with"=Well actually it's pretty hard to define what being "cool" with someone looks like because people define their relationships in their own terms. So, I think it will be easier to instead identify people you are NOT cool with and leave you with this, you are cool with anybody not falling into any of the following categories. You are NOT cool with people you don't get along with, people you don't know, and people you know OF, but don't really know. So anyone you would speak to, call a friend/acquaintance/associate, keep your damn hands off they man (or woman)!
**"fucking with"=Regardless of tense (past, present, or possibly future) this can range from accepting advances from the person, to an actual relationship and ANYTHING in between. Sex, flirting, talking, dating, crushing, liking, loving, being with, etc. are all included in this. If the person you are cool with is/has/or wants to do anything mentioned here to someone, that means you DO NOT do ANY of it with that same person of interest.

I will not get into the specific consequences of breaking the code aside from teh fact that you most likely will not be cool with her anymore but I would suggest if youa re bold enough to break the code, know how to fight or run. Anyway, women, RESPET THE CODE!!!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Quote of the Day

"Life is a gamble... You can't be afraid to take risks."

That's one from yours truly.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Mate in the middle: How to deal with the other woman, or the main one

Ok ladies. We need to talk. I won't front, I have found myself on the receiving end of conversations that start like this... "Are you sleeping with [insert name here]?" and this "Are you [insert name here]'s girlfriend? Because I've been seeing him for..." These are sticky situations, known to get REALLY messy. And it truly does take a bad bitch to know how to handle them. So of course I put together a little guide.

First of all it is important to recognize that the woman calling your phone or approaching you directly is NOT a Bad Bitch. That's right I said it. So for any of you reading this that have approached another female about a mate, you have some things you need to work on! How can I come to such a generalization? Well, if a woman is in a committed relationship with a man and finds out he has ben unfaithful, she now has a problem in her relationship. Does it really matter who the other woman was (there is an exception regarding friends, more on that in my next post)? Her partner has broken a commitment to her, not that other woman, who may or may not even know she exists. Remember, a Bad Bitch always handles her shit gracefully. Calling another bitch about YOUR fucked up relationship is NEVER a good look. And even if you aren't in a committed relationship, but find out one of your boo's is, calling his/her partner to expose him is really NOT YOUR PLACE. Let your boo's partner find out they aint shit on their own. You should only be worried about what YOUR next moves should be.

So now that we have settled that. Here is how you handle being rolled up on by another bitch about a partner.

Scenario 1:
You get a private phone call.
Solution:
This one is easy, who answers private/unknown phone calls? Its like inviting drama into your life, or a collect from jail.

Scenario 2:
You get a phone call from a random number, you answer it and an angry woman wants to know... "Are you fuckin Erin??" (all names are androgynous and made up)
Solution:
If you knew Erin had a partner this is easy as well. CLICK. You don't owe her an explanation. She needs to be talking to Erin.
Alternative solution 1: If you had no idea Erin had a partner, say as professional as you can "Excuse me? Who is this?" This works for several reasons. First off, because you sound so professional, her natural instinct is going to make her a little salty with the possibility that she may have just called your job or something on "that bullshit". Second point, it puts the ball in your court as you have now proven that you are the mature adult and not eager to feed into her drama. And the less likely you are to feed into her drama means the less likely she is to bring any. And most importantly, her answer to this question can be used as collateral for the inevitable confrontation with Erin. After she answers, say "well I'm sorry [insert her name] but I'm really not comfortable discussing the details of my personal life with you since I haven't the slightest clue who you are." CLICK.

Scenario 3:
Phone rings... "Hey is this [insert your name]? Well I just wanted to let you know I've been sleeping with [insert your partner's name]"
Solution:
Now this one is tricky because you have to decide whether or not her claim is valid. For example if you've been a little suspicious, this is probably your proof. But if this seems completely random question when and where these "rendezvous" have been occurring. Get something concrete to go off of. And then say "Thank you for your concern." and CLICK. Even if she's not really concerned, she'll take it as sarcasm and be pissed. But if she tells you she was with your partner on the same night you two were having a romantic evening at home, she's obviously lying and starting mess.. CLICK.

Scenario 4:
I call this one, the Cheaters scenario. You are with your boo (*the two of you are NOT committed) and here comes a woman wondering "Who the fuck is this bitch?!"
Solution:
Check for his reaction, if he looks guilty and/or starts offering explanations, chuckle a little at the fact that he's busted and excuse yourself. Either find a ride home or drive yourself. DO NOT engage in the woman at all and if she tries to confront you say "You two obviously have some issues that you need to work out and I am not trying to get in the middle." and walk away. Even if he pays her no regard or dismisses her with a "we'll talk later" still excuse yourself and wait to see how he handles the situation. Once the coast is clear, you may return.

Scenario 5:
You are with your partner (committed) and here comes angry other woman wanting to know "Who the fuck is this?!"
Solution:
Stand your ground. Look your partner straight in the eye and calmly say "Well, tell her who I am" once he complies (which he should if he's really your partner) look at her smile ever so slightly and wait for her reaction. Almost on cue she'll spill the beans about their relationship and when she's finished, give your partner the same sly smile as if you're fascinated with this new piece of information. Then to the other woman, "well if you don't mind we'd like to continue our [whatever it was you were doing before you were interrupted]"

The point ladies is that you do not want to engage the other woman,. or the main woman for that matter. You can handle your business with your partner, and how you handle it is none of her business. Because at the end of the day, she wants a reaction from you. Don't give it to her because your/her partner is really the one who needs to be addressed. in times like these you must never forget the mantra "A bad bitch always wins. If not by merit, she will do so via the grace with which she handles defeat."

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Crush Alert!

I just can not go another day without blogging about this chick.... She has this really dope fashion blog Flashy Stylista that I was immediately addicted to! Her style is so unique, completely over the top, brilliant... and she makes some of this shit herself! Her site says she's a "Parisian girl who lives in the Caribbeans with new york city dreams!!" I think those dreams have since come true as she frequently posts pics of her and her crew tearing NYC up! She knows how to have a good time. So.... I think its safe to say I'm in love with her.

Not only is she drop dead gorgeous...

Her nails STAY done...

She thicker than a snicker...

Her swag is on a thousand trillion!

AND her creativity is mind blowing. She MADE those shoes!!!!!!!

She bad as hell.

Yes... I have a crush. A big one.

A letter to white people... In case you forgot (PROFANITY ALERT)

As bad as I am, that still does not change the fact that I am black. That means that sometimes I have to take time out to address issues of racism. So I decided to write a quick letter to white folks. Hopefully all of my bad bitches with a lack of melanin will pass this along.

Dear white people,

Although this has been said over and over again I see soem of you have still missed important memos regarding interactions with blacks.

First of all, STOP TOUCHING OUR FUCKING HAIR! It is an invasion of personal space. And don't give me that bullshit "I'm a stylist" excuse as if that makes it ok. If you are a good, well rounded stylist you should already know what "black" hair feels like. I'm fascinated with how your hair stays oily despite the fact that you wash it all the time, but I don't feel the need to walk up to you, a stranger, and run my fingers through your hair. And if you just HAVE to know what it feels like at least have the decency to ask.

Second thing, STOP ASKING US TO DANCE or TEACH YOU HOW TO DANCE!!! I'm just going to be honest with you, we interpret this as "Go ahead and shuck and jive for us coon!" It just really strikes a nerve. The other thing is... and I hate to go there... but if you can't do what I'm doing on the dance floor it's probably because you don't have any rhythm. Sorry, but I can't help you find the beat and coordinate your movements accordingly. You either have it or you don't.

Also, stop getting upset when you offend black people or someone insinuates you are racist. If you grew up in America, regardless of your race, you are probably racist. Even I can admit that I have issues and assumptions about race that I need to work on. If this is bought to your attention, just learn from the experience.

I'm sure there's more that I just can't think of right now but these were on my mind. That is all.

Oppressed,
A black woman

Friday, April 2, 2010

Our generation's attack on beauty

It is no secret that our beloved hip hop, especially in its newer form, has done some damage. It has damaged the image of Black people, damage to the value of healthy relationships, damage to the ambition of our youth, just to name a few. But one that really sticks out and bothers me is the attack and damage done to beauty itself.

Back in that day, how pretty a woman was tended to be the central focus of her being, and most songs. Back in those days a woman's beauty alone could stop someone in their tracks. With the emergence of our generation's hip hop culture, that practice has all but disappeared. The commodification of women into objects and body parts has made the individual traits that make them unique and beautiful are almost irrelevant. If you don't believe me, pick a new raper and listen as women are lumped in with cars, jewelry, and clothes as objects that affirm the rapper's status. In fact, being classified as "pretty" is merely and added perk to an already near perfect combination of hips, ass, thighs, and a small waist. Alone, it no longer holds any weight.

I find myself more and more disturbed by the implicatins behind this as well as the effects on girls and women. I think it's important and means alot to be able to look in the mirror and recognize your own beauty. But for those growing up and living in a culture that is consistently reminding them that that beauty isn't good enough, how can they ever learn to love themselves? Can they ever look at themselves and be content? Can they ever really be bad bitches without any self esteem?

Hip hop added value and a level of prestige to the term "bad bitch" while simultaneously making it almost impossible to achieve. Now that the damage has been done, I can't say this enough, it is up to us to help bring out the bad bitch in all women... No one else is going to do it.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Clubbin: The Mini Series Pt. 3 "You don't know nann"

We can't talk about the club, at least I can't, without ranting, I mean talking about how women are approached there. It is truly amazing how many men (especially black men) that don't know how to approach women. And its utterly amazing the number of women (especially black women) that don't know how they should be approached. Just a hint, anything that can be found in "Nann Nigga" is a FAIL.



For a dance:
DO NOT grab my arm, gawk at me for 2 minutes as if I'm on an auction block, and then after nodding your approval try to place my body on your penis.

DO NOT continue to pull my arm after I've tried to withdraw it. I'm CLEARLY not interested.

Just ask me for a dance. It's quite simple.

When trying to get my attention:
DO NOT hiss, cluck, bark at me. Sir I'm not animal.

DO NOT make up a nickname for me (i.e. Legs,, Dimples, Curly Head, etc.). It's corny.

DO NOT refer to me by the article of clothing I'm wearing. You don't know how many girls I've seen respond to "Ay red jacket!!!!!" Ugh. Grow up. Both of you.

DO NOT compare me to my friends in your attempt to compliment me. Thats lame and disrespectful.

Simply put "Hi, how are you?" or even ""How you doin?" will save you everytime. Just say that first. Even if I reject you at least you'll still have my respect.

If rejected:
DO NOT insult my friend because she intervened in your wack game. She knows the drill. You don't.

DO NOT flip the script then try to berate me. You clearly wanted some of my time a minute ago but now I'm a ho? No. You're salty.

DO NOT try to talk to my friend. She not "goin" now. Idiot. NOTE: Ladies if your friend does "go" have a talk with her. IMMEDIATELY.)

Sometimes I wonder if these clowns will ever get it.

Clubbin: The Mini Series Pt. 2 "No Homo?"

DISCLAIMER: I do not usually use the term "no homo" as I feel it alienates members of the the LGBTQI community. But I felt as though it was a catchy title for the post. Sue me.

So ladies, it's time to go out. You already know what that means. An hour (or 3) long ritual of applying make-up, doing hair, bringing out the freakiest freakum dresses and the loudest fuck me pumps. We all know the club is the place to go to strut your stuff... But for who?

Recent dialogues I've had with men and women on the"club experience" have shed some light on the type of presentation women prepare for the club. And it seems as though these elaborate and perfected displays of beauty and swag are done, not to gain the attention of men, but in an attempt to gain the approval of other women. The "show" that women put on when they show up and show out is really an attempt to impress and outdo other women.

SO of course I took this idea to the streets, and sure enough, most men noted that they rarely even remembered what a woman at the club had on. Even if they talked to her. They were much interested in her physical appearance. EVEN if they complimented the woman on her outfit, they wouldn't be able to describe it the next day. On the rare occasions they could remember what a woman was wearing, it was because she was wearing next to nothing.

Talking to, accompanying, and being a woman, I know for a fact that we critique other women in the club more than we would any male we're interested in. And when we are getting ready for a night out, we know that other women are going to be there critiquing us as well. They are going to come hard, so we have to come harder, at least on a basic level. Nothing can be out of place. And it's always best to get an "OK" from your girls before you leave.

The bottom line is that when it comes to the club, while men prefer to use rulers of comfort and personal preference to measure their status of appearance, women use each other. I have yet to pinpoint a concrete reason for this. Is it the result of our societal beauty standards that puts most of its pressure on women? Is it the slimming eligible male to female ratio? I don't know. But it's the way things are.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Clubbin: The Mini Series Pt.1 "Clubbin Aint Dead Mogs Just Scared"

It's hard to find a decent club in Chicago these days. Now I know that there are some people that just like getting dolled up and going out, so they don't care what venue it is. But I know for me, it takes a certain atmosphere for me to thoroughly enjoy myself. A certain amount of liquor will usually do the trick, too, but who wants to get pissy drunk when you look so cute?

The most important element of any club is the music. This plays a MAJOR part in how much fun I am able to have. I like really upbeat, urban (NO TECHNO and not techno remixes of urban songs!) club bangers. DUH right? It's a club. But here is where the first source of conflict arises. See... clubs that cater to this genre also usually cater to patrons... thinking of a way to say this nicely... patrons that are... well, urban "club bangers" if you catch my drift. Think Zentra and Krush. These type of places are targeted towards a younger 18+ crowd (even though you can bet on a few men way too old to be there) and are usually heavily saturated with Coogi dresses, LRG 'fits, and gym shoes (on men AND women, the horror). I prefer a club that is, in a nutshell, a little less hood.

And when it comes to men, I definitely prefer older crowds (late 20's, early 30's they're usually more financially stable and mature). Think Shrine on 21st and Wabash. But at these places you have to listen to all of Jay-Z's hits BEFORE the year 2000. And yea Rakim is fine... as hell, but I don't want to listen to his music either while I'm trying to shake my ass in 2010! And I'm sorry but Common just does not hit the spot on a dance floor....

And speaking of dance floors, can you really call it that when its so crowded that you can't move? I don;t think so...

And there's the fact that you sometimes never know what you're walking into because it all depends on the promoter.

My solution? Drinks. And lounges. Lounges always make for a nice crowd, but not a ridiculous, to capacity crowd. There is always a diverse turnout, and you can usually predict the music so there are no surprises.Funk and J Bar are a few that stand out.

Anyway, glad that's off my chest. Pt. 2 Coming soon!!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Quote of the Day

"Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you put your attention on other things, it will land softly on your shoulder."

Don't chase what should come natural.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Bad Bitch "Dress Up"

SO I have been meaning to write this for a while now. I've mentioned before that us bad bitches have to be careful of the girls running around here playing bad bitch "dress up". So what exactly is this? Its where a strag, or some other typical bitch tries to emulate or imitate a real bad bitch. They can usually fool other strags and basic bitches into believing that the person in question is certified, but it takes a bad bitch to know the difference. Here are some of the easiest ways to spot a bitch playing "dress up".

- She say she bad, but to prove it all she does to prove it is count the ways she's better than other women. She obviously knows nothing about our bylaws.
-She say she bad because she's cute/has a nice body. What else?
-She say she bad, and to prove it she shows off her Coach shoes. I need to get this off my chest COACH IS NOT HIGH END FASHION!!!! When your wardrobe consists of shoes that cost more than $500 (on the cheap end of things), then you might be on to something.


















Yves Saint Laurent Bag = high fashion


















Coach bag = NOT high fashion


-She say she bad but is always in the middle of drama. This is like an oxymoron or something.
-She say she bad but she's an attention whore. Bad bitches are noticed, they don't seek attention.
-She say she bad, but she doesn't read badbitchsociety.blogspot.com Point proven

More shit coming soon! (And I figured since I've already been flagged as an "adult content" based on the title, my profanity censor can have a rest. So until next time... BITCHES!)

Monday, March 15, 2010

Jojo!!!

So I've known this chick for so long. Sometimes I wonder if she'll ever change... I doubt it. But I think that's what I like about her. This girl has absolutely NO problems being herself, even as that self changes and evolves, with no explanations needed.
What makes you a bad bitch?I'm bad because first of all I am self-assured and confident. I know I can do anything thru Him. I am intelligent and always thirsting for more. I am a good friend, sister, daughter, etc. I encourage and love people. and most imoportantly i am only living for and out to please myself. IT's all about me and im not worried about no1 else opinion.

Bad bitch(es) that inspired you
My mother and grandmother...u know how close we are. they both inspire me to be better everyday. I love love love Lauryn hill, michelle obama, maya angelou, and tyra banks.


How can you spot a bad bitch when you see one?
It's all in their aura. a bad b* will exude an unmistakable confidence. she will walk in a room and command attention-cliche? she will be beautiful-in a unique way. her head will always be high and she will not settle for wat she does not want,

A bad bitch always/never...
always: smile, encourage others, look depart, work hard, on top of thing...
never: succumb to the insufficiencies of their inferiors.






Jojo has finally joined us in the blogger world!! Check out the world as she sees it in To Each Her Own

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

How to deal with a strag... if you must

When it comes to strags, all bad bitches know who's winning. And to be honest, most of the strags know it too. But that doesn't change the fact that some strags will still try to prove the opposite to be true and think that they will win going toe to toe with a bad bitch. So... what do you do? Here are some quick tips to remind him/her (yes strags can be males) to remind them of their place...

-Stay on your shit... and then tell them to hate on that. This is most effective for strags in professional settings that want to undermine your work/ethic.

-Ignore whatever attempted shot at you they just took... If this isn't enough and they now want to cause a scene to get your attention (which most strags will do), say "I'm sorry, did you say something?" This is also effective for persistent strags that try to get your romantic attention after you've already tried to decline nicely.

-Most bad bitches can list at least a few of their baddest traits off the top of their heads (if you can't... well you might be playing bad bitch "dress up" will post on this later). Anyway, be able to spit this list in 20 seconds or less and add "bitch please" at the end. It'll take them a while to come back from that one. Feel free to walk away now.

-Fake a really concerned look (I know, this one's hard), get out a pen and paper, write badbitchsociety.blogspot.com and hand it to them. There is help for strags lol

-Flip your hair, laugh, and if possible, walk away... in any order. This method will almost always work for any type of strag.

The point is that strags aren't worth your time. But if they absolutely insist on getting some of it. It should be at minimal amounts and only to remind them that you win and they lose.

NOTE: I do not condone violence of any kind, BUT... If a strag attempts to start a physical altercation with you... know how to throw them hands.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Let Me See Yo Nails: Pt. 1!!!!!!!!!!! (THE WINNER IS...)

Thanks so much to everyone that submitted! It was fun! So here it is guys my first nail gallery!








I got a 2 for 1 submission special here!





I really liked this angle... it almost looks like she's flying.






I've been really digging black polish. So I really appreciated this...










...and these





















In case you can't tell this submission is by the queen of nails!









I took my yellow polish off yesterday because I didn't want to be a biter. But please note: this is Treasure, the one who would slay those LouB's... I think she's starting with her nails. SO innovative!







And now I have to take give an honorable mention to my favorite post which was undoubtedly the most creative. Thanks to Aerian and her photographer Naa Amerley!



But of course their could only be one winner... and that is Jocindee a.k.a Jojo a.k.a. DeeDee!!! I love how they clearly show a creative effort but didn't go overboard. It's like junk nails gone bourgeois (pronounced boo-jee of course). She does them herself by the way!









I need this ring in my life....


Be on the look out for Jojo's interview feature!!! Until then... here's my submission. I dared put on blue nail polish and it worked!! And yes... I'm BlackBerry crazy...

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

A (sort of) CONTEST!!!!!! Let me see yo nails!!!!!

Ok so I am obsessed with nails... I am just drawn to them... all glittery, and bold. Anyway I want to do a nail post of my own so I want everybody to send me a picture of their BEST NAILS (with or without designs) to be featured here in the first of my dear "Let Me See Yo Nails!" post!!!

How to submit:
-Twitpic them and mention me @badbitchsociety ...this way other people can see you dope nails too!
-email them to me @ sesalib@gmail.com

The post will be up and running..... I guess when I get enough submissions. So just keep checking back... 10-4

Monday, February 22, 2010

In this month's Vogue....

Reading this month's Vogue, some things stood out, as they always do.

First up, the Dolce & Gabanna ad.


Yes... That's Madonna. Ok like seriously this chick DOES NOT age! She is in her 50's and is STILL clearly qualified for high fashion modeling (let's not forget her Louis Vuitton campaign few months back). She takes cougar to a whole new level.

















Have you ever come across something that you personally wouldn't have the courage or chic to wear but can pinpoint someone else who could?? Well my friend Treasure over at the Treasure Chest would SLAY these red bottoms. Even though you can never go wrong with Christian Louboutin I wouldn't have the first idea what to do with these. Thank God I know another bad bitch that does.

ATTENTION ALL HARRY POTTER FANS!

HERMIONE GRAINGER has stepped her game ALL the way up and is the new campaign girl for Burberry! YES!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Why did Tiger Woods apologize to me yesterday?

Tiger Woods owes his wife an apology, NOT THE WHOLE COUNTRY! This whole scandal of his upsets me to the max because men cheat on their wives ALL the time. Hell, wives cheat on their husbands ALL the time. Even the president for crying out loud! Who they sleep with is not business, or their colleagues, or their boss(es), or anyone elses. I swear I felt the same way about Bill Clinton and Monica! AAARRRGG!!!!!

And excuse me for taking it there but I can't help but thinking that this is only making NATIONAL news because a poor lttle white woman was betrayed by her shady black husband. Or is it just me? That is all.

Poor Chris Brown...

I know I know, I'm a bad feminist... Good thing that's not one of my aspirations in life.

But on the topic of Chris Brown I really do feel sorry for him (Rihanna, too). Watching him slowly fall from A-list to B-list celebrity has been hard to watch. Why? Because in some of ways both of them were victims. Rih Rih and Chris both grew up in abusive household environments. They were already exposed to the cycle of violence that SO many young couples find themselves. Chris Brown and Rihanna were violent towards EACH OTHER. And I am NOT excusing what Chris Brown did, he beat the shit out of Rihanna and that's never cool. But is stripping his career the way to get either of them the help they need to prevent this from happening in the future? Chris Brown has issues that he needs to deal with, not any different from T.I.'s legal trouble or Lil Wayne's NOTORIOUS drug habit. There are plenty of police officers, politicians, and other people of importance that physically and emotional abuse their partners without their careers going down the drain. Chris Browns career didn't make him hit Rihanna, nor did her career make her a victim (although some may say being a victim certainly helped her career, which is equally fucked up). So boycotting the music of a talented artist as a way to protest his abusiveness is completely counterproductive. After all, how can he afford treatment if doesn't have a job?

Although I will admit... he does not deserve a career if he wears these pants again. Fail, fail, EPIC FAIL!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

IMPORTANT MESSAGE to all strags!!!!

Don't bother posting anonymous rants and personal attacks under my posts. This is a completely strag free zone and all I'm going to do is laugh at you and then hit the delete button. Thanks... muah!



And on that note, I'm going to continue being bad... 10-4

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Clutch has done it again...

Completely inspired, yet slightly disturbed me at the same time! They always make me want to step my game up. Or..... throw up.

Aaliyah MIGHT have her on the dance tip, but Beyonce can and would sing, perform, sell records, and win Grammys around her blindfolded and NOT married to Jay-Z! Some comments mentioned that Aaliyah was R&B and Beyonce was pop hence her "larger fan base... ::chuckles:: Um, hello???? Beyonce does it ALL!! Have these people heard "Speechless"? Aaliyah couldn't touch this at her best... sorry. But R.I.P. (in best Gucci Mane voice).


"Speechless" for all you naysayers out there. Queen B bitches....

Sunday, February 14, 2010

It's a CELEBRATION BITCHES!!!!

As you can see, the Bad Bitch Society has just completed its extreme makeover!!!! I hope you all like what I've done with the place. To celebrate I have my own personal bad bitch anthem from who else but "The Baddest Bitch" herself, Ms. Trina... Enjoy and rejoice.... you bad as hell!!!



This is what would play if I could have intro music...

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Is it just me or is Nanny Fran one of us??

Seriously, the Nanny named Fran is perhaps one of the baddest bitches on television. (Although, she may be tied with Hilary Banks or Claire Huxtable.)

Ok so let's break this down. First of all she hit the best lick EVER. A fine, rich man invited her to take care of his 3 kids (who are basically old enough to not need much "care".) So basically she lives for free in a mansion and gets a stipend... The life.




Uuummm... this chick CLEARLY should have had a fashion blog. Despite the fact that the show is around 20 years old I am still inspired by her style every time I see an episode. The way she uses outrageous colors/prints with solid black, her affinity for heels and thigh high boots, and the dope shit she does with her hair (with the exception of the mullet. Mullets are strictly FORBIDDEN in the bad bitch society!).... she is SUCH a fashionista!

But aside from the material things, she is clearly familiar with the bylaws, too. She is always looking out for other women (her mom and grandmother, her step daughters, her friends, etc.) She even knows how to deal with strags! Think about it, Cece wants her man and hates on her all the typical (in typical strag fashion) and Fran is still comfortable and even NICE to her (because at the end of the day she's content knowing she has no competition).

And even though I just painted an image of near perfection, she's not. She constantly struggles with her relationship history and the fact that she's still unmarried despite being in her thirties. But she does so with grace. You gotta love it.

And as if you needed another reason to love her, here she is 20 years later looking like all of the bad bitch she was in the 90's.

Pour something out for the only man that made leggings and heels acceptable... R.I.P. Alexander McQueen

I'm sure all the bad bitches of a more visual claliber, the fashionistas, are mourning today. One of the great designers of our time, Alexander McQueen was found dead in his home today. To pay tribute to the KING of leggings and heels here are some of my favorite pieces...




If you are going to wear leggings, please do it responsibly.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Relationships will screw us over everytime

Let's just face it, the stuff we're fed about relationships is usually bullshit. But today, when I opened my browser I came across an article that lists 5 Signs you're headed for a break up. And I actually found it very accurate and informing.

What really struck me about the article and compelled me to discuss it was the fact that I observe so many couples stagnant in these very obvious unhealthy phases. I think in these events the relationship itself becomes the focus as opposed to the happiness and/or well being of each individual. It's a concept we see people fall prey to all the time. A fucked up relationship is better than no relationship at all. My BFF who also has a dope blog posted some deep shit about relationships and you should check it out.

Oh me and the BFF just for kicks :-)

I'm baaaaack! We revisit the mission statement....

OMG there has been so much going on in my world lately! I would apologize for my absence but it was much needed... (please check out part 1, especially part 2, and part 3 of the Wholeness Mini Series starting a few posts up) For real though, time just hasn't been on my side lately. But please don't fret. I have good shit coming. SOON!

But I'd also like to take this time to remind all bad bitches of our mission statement (at least the one in MY handbook).
The ultimate goal of the bad bitch movement is to change the world, making it safer, easier, and pleasurable for us and all bad bitches to be the baddest we can be.
That's alot of work to be done with all the strags (whose lives we continue to change LOL) and people in general that just do not appreciate us. Sometimes we go hard and sometimes its just so easy. Either way, let's never forget our mission as go about our days doing the work of being bad as hell.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Wholeness: The Mini Series Pt. 3 In case of an emergency!

Being whole is kind of similar to taking care of your hair. You have to dedicate to maintain it, but that's not always the case. So one day... you look in the mirror and you have what looks like broom straw on top of your head, dry, split, and damaged.

That's what happens when you have failed to take the time to check in with yourself. You have a moment, an epiphany in which you realize that you just don't feel right. You don't necessarily know how long you've felt that way or even why you feel that way, but you do. So just like with your hair, you have to make time to give yourself a treatment in order get back on track. Here's my regimen. NOTE: To ensure effectiveness, you should have at least 6 hours to dedicate to this process.

1. Unlike your hair, when it comes to wholeness you oftentimes have to check all the way out before you can check back in. So turn off your phone and isolate yourself. I think in this age of BlackBerries and iPhones alone time is EXTREMELY under appreciated. But it is needed. TRUST ME!

2. Put on relaxing music.

3. Allow whatever you are feeling to overtake you (as I mentioned in pt. 2 of this series, the ability to do this will help you in life). Cry, scream, pray, curse, express what you are feeling in whatever way your body urges you to. The amount of relief you will feel so euphoric. NOTE: This may take a while so don't rush it. Some people can stay in this phase for hours. If it seems impossible to transition from this state I would suggest turning your phone back on and calling one of those supportive people I mentioned in pt. 2. Then start over.

4. After you've released and relaxed a little a moment of clarity usually overtakes you. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS WINDOW! Rationalize your thoughts, analyze your feelings, set some goals, make a plan of action! This is the step where you actually start to feel better. My personal suggestion, have a pen and paper (journal, planner, single sheet to write a letter to someone, whatever) ready to go.

5. Keeping up with the whole hair analogy, I would say this step is like sitting under the dryer. No one takes the extra time to do it because it doesn't seem immediately necessary or that it makes that much of a difference. But it does. Conquering this step is what makes "feeling better" more than just temporary. Show yourself some appreciation. Dance to your favorite music, paint your toenails, do your hair, whatever makes you happy.

I hope this helps!

Wholeness: The Mini Series Pt. 2 A Bad Bitch on Being Whole

I really can't say this enough; No no is perfect. However, it is in the nature of all of us to try to achieve perfection at every waking moment. And to be honest, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But the secret to being whole is accepting that many times you are going to fall short. It's life. But as we all know this is easier said than done so I have come up with some tips to help you stay grounded in your never ending quest for perfection.

Allow yourself to feel. This was really hard for me personally and sometimes I still struggle with it. Oftentimes we like to run away from uncomfortable feelings like depression, embarrassment, anger, etc. Which is completely understandable because, well, they're uncomfortable! But you have to be able to sit with these feelings. You have to allow your body and mind to go through those motions sometimes. Because the reality is that life is going to keep throwing curve balls. Being able to sit with these feelings, analyze them, and ensure that they aren't misplaced keeps you open and allows peace to come alot easier.

Be creative. Let your mind create an offspring. And reap the benefits of knowing you nurtured and cultivated something that you take pride in. My theory is that lack of creativity is the reason so many people that work 9-5 jobs are so miserable. This blog, among other things is the birth child of my mind. But for you it might be something different, like decorating your place, changing your wardrobe, picking up a hobby, or exploring a childhood fantasy. Whatever it may be, when you find the thing you want to do but don't have to and it represents you, you discover things about yourself you may not have known were there.

Surround yourself with honest people that support your creative efforts and respect your feelings. There is nothing worse than a person that tries to invalidate your feelings by making you feel bad/worse when you are trying to find/maintain peace, or make you feel good when you have good reason to feel bad. The people in your life should be cultivating your creativity and acknowledging your feelings. People that do so become natural healers in your life and help you get one step closer to wholeness.

Wholeness: The Mini Series Pt.1 Quote of the Day

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." -Bernard Shaw

... But don't take it too far. Don't attempt to create a persona that isn't really you. This is the mistake many strags make trying to play bad bitch dress up. But instead, do what feels right. Not what's expected, not what looks right. Only do things that make you feel like a self made bad bitch at the end of the day. THAT is how a bad bitch is created.