Saturday, January 2, 2010

Wholeness: The Mini Series Pt. 3 In case of an emergency!

Being whole is kind of similar to taking care of your hair. You have to dedicate to maintain it, but that's not always the case. So one day... you look in the mirror and you have what looks like broom straw on top of your head, dry, split, and damaged.

That's what happens when you have failed to take the time to check in with yourself. You have a moment, an epiphany in which you realize that you just don't feel right. You don't necessarily know how long you've felt that way or even why you feel that way, but you do. So just like with your hair, you have to make time to give yourself a treatment in order get back on track. Here's my regimen. NOTE: To ensure effectiveness, you should have at least 6 hours to dedicate to this process.

1. Unlike your hair, when it comes to wholeness you oftentimes have to check all the way out before you can check back in. So turn off your phone and isolate yourself. I think in this age of BlackBerries and iPhones alone time is EXTREMELY under appreciated. But it is needed. TRUST ME!

2. Put on relaxing music.

3. Allow whatever you are feeling to overtake you (as I mentioned in pt. 2 of this series, the ability to do this will help you in life). Cry, scream, pray, curse, express what you are feeling in whatever way your body urges you to. The amount of relief you will feel so euphoric. NOTE: This may take a while so don't rush it. Some people can stay in this phase for hours. If it seems impossible to transition from this state I would suggest turning your phone back on and calling one of those supportive people I mentioned in pt. 2. Then start over.

4. After you've released and relaxed a little a moment of clarity usually overtakes you. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS WINDOW! Rationalize your thoughts, analyze your feelings, set some goals, make a plan of action! This is the step where you actually start to feel better. My personal suggestion, have a pen and paper (journal, planner, single sheet to write a letter to someone, whatever) ready to go.

5. Keeping up with the whole hair analogy, I would say this step is like sitting under the dryer. No one takes the extra time to do it because it doesn't seem immediately necessary or that it makes that much of a difference. But it does. Conquering this step is what makes "feeling better" more than just temporary. Show yourself some appreciation. Dance to your favorite music, paint your toenails, do your hair, whatever makes you happy.

I hope this helps!

Wholeness: The Mini Series Pt. 2 A Bad Bitch on Being Whole

I really can't say this enough; No no is perfect. However, it is in the nature of all of us to try to achieve perfection at every waking moment. And to be honest, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But the secret to being whole is accepting that many times you are going to fall short. It's life. But as we all know this is easier said than done so I have come up with some tips to help you stay grounded in your never ending quest for perfection.

Allow yourself to feel. This was really hard for me personally and sometimes I still struggle with it. Oftentimes we like to run away from uncomfortable feelings like depression, embarrassment, anger, etc. Which is completely understandable because, well, they're uncomfortable! But you have to be able to sit with these feelings. You have to allow your body and mind to go through those motions sometimes. Because the reality is that life is going to keep throwing curve balls. Being able to sit with these feelings, analyze them, and ensure that they aren't misplaced keeps you open and allows peace to come alot easier.

Be creative. Let your mind create an offspring. And reap the benefits of knowing you nurtured and cultivated something that you take pride in. My theory is that lack of creativity is the reason so many people that work 9-5 jobs are so miserable. This blog, among other things is the birth child of my mind. But for you it might be something different, like decorating your place, changing your wardrobe, picking up a hobby, or exploring a childhood fantasy. Whatever it may be, when you find the thing you want to do but don't have to and it represents you, you discover things about yourself you may not have known were there.

Surround yourself with honest people that support your creative efforts and respect your feelings. There is nothing worse than a person that tries to invalidate your feelings by making you feel bad/worse when you are trying to find/maintain peace, or make you feel good when you have good reason to feel bad. The people in your life should be cultivating your creativity and acknowledging your feelings. People that do so become natural healers in your life and help you get one step closer to wholeness.

Wholeness: The Mini Series Pt.1 Quote of the Day

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." -Bernard Shaw

... But don't take it too far. Don't attempt to create a persona that isn't really you. This is the mistake many strags make trying to play bad bitch dress up. But instead, do what feels right. Not what's expected, not what looks right. Only do things that make you feel like a self made bad bitch at the end of the day. THAT is how a bad bitch is created.