Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Quote of the Day

"Life is a gamble... You can't be afraid to take risks."

That's one from yours truly.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Mate in the middle: How to deal with the other woman, or the main one

Ok ladies. We need to talk. I won't front, I have found myself on the receiving end of conversations that start like this... "Are you sleeping with [insert name here]?" and this "Are you [insert name here]'s girlfriend? Because I've been seeing him for..." These are sticky situations, known to get REALLY messy. And it truly does take a bad bitch to know how to handle them. So of course I put together a little guide.

First of all it is important to recognize that the woman calling your phone or approaching you directly is NOT a Bad Bitch. That's right I said it. So for any of you reading this that have approached another female about a mate, you have some things you need to work on! How can I come to such a generalization? Well, if a woman is in a committed relationship with a man and finds out he has ben unfaithful, she now has a problem in her relationship. Does it really matter who the other woman was (there is an exception regarding friends, more on that in my next post)? Her partner has broken a commitment to her, not that other woman, who may or may not even know she exists. Remember, a Bad Bitch always handles her shit gracefully. Calling another bitch about YOUR fucked up relationship is NEVER a good look. And even if you aren't in a committed relationship, but find out one of your boo's is, calling his/her partner to expose him is really NOT YOUR PLACE. Let your boo's partner find out they aint shit on their own. You should only be worried about what YOUR next moves should be.

So now that we have settled that. Here is how you handle being rolled up on by another bitch about a partner.

Scenario 1:
You get a private phone call.
Solution:
This one is easy, who answers private/unknown phone calls? Its like inviting drama into your life, or a collect from jail.

Scenario 2:
You get a phone call from a random number, you answer it and an angry woman wants to know... "Are you fuckin Erin??" (all names are androgynous and made up)
Solution:
If you knew Erin had a partner this is easy as well. CLICK. You don't owe her an explanation. She needs to be talking to Erin.
Alternative solution 1: If you had no idea Erin had a partner, say as professional as you can "Excuse me? Who is this?" This works for several reasons. First off, because you sound so professional, her natural instinct is going to make her a little salty with the possibility that she may have just called your job or something on "that bullshit". Second point, it puts the ball in your court as you have now proven that you are the mature adult and not eager to feed into her drama. And the less likely you are to feed into her drama means the less likely she is to bring any. And most importantly, her answer to this question can be used as collateral for the inevitable confrontation with Erin. After she answers, say "well I'm sorry [insert her name] but I'm really not comfortable discussing the details of my personal life with you since I haven't the slightest clue who you are." CLICK.

Scenario 3:
Phone rings... "Hey is this [insert your name]? Well I just wanted to let you know I've been sleeping with [insert your partner's name]"
Solution:
Now this one is tricky because you have to decide whether or not her claim is valid. For example if you've been a little suspicious, this is probably your proof. But if this seems completely random question when and where these "rendezvous" have been occurring. Get something concrete to go off of. And then say "Thank you for your concern." and CLICK. Even if she's not really concerned, she'll take it as sarcasm and be pissed. But if she tells you she was with your partner on the same night you two were having a romantic evening at home, she's obviously lying and starting mess.. CLICK.

Scenario 4:
I call this one, the Cheaters scenario. You are with your boo (*the two of you are NOT committed) and here comes a woman wondering "Who the fuck is this bitch?!"
Solution:
Check for his reaction, if he looks guilty and/or starts offering explanations, chuckle a little at the fact that he's busted and excuse yourself. Either find a ride home or drive yourself. DO NOT engage in the woman at all and if she tries to confront you say "You two obviously have some issues that you need to work out and I am not trying to get in the middle." and walk away. Even if he pays her no regard or dismisses her with a "we'll talk later" still excuse yourself and wait to see how he handles the situation. Once the coast is clear, you may return.

Scenario 5:
You are with your partner (committed) and here comes angry other woman wanting to know "Who the fuck is this?!"
Solution:
Stand your ground. Look your partner straight in the eye and calmly say "Well, tell her who I am" once he complies (which he should if he's really your partner) look at her smile ever so slightly and wait for her reaction. Almost on cue she'll spill the beans about their relationship and when she's finished, give your partner the same sly smile as if you're fascinated with this new piece of information. Then to the other woman, "well if you don't mind we'd like to continue our [whatever it was you were doing before you were interrupted]"

The point ladies is that you do not want to engage the other woman,. or the main woman for that matter. You can handle your business with your partner, and how you handle it is none of her business. Because at the end of the day, she wants a reaction from you. Don't give it to her because your/her partner is really the one who needs to be addressed. in times like these you must never forget the mantra "A bad bitch always wins. If not by merit, she will do so via the grace with which she handles defeat."

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Crush Alert!

I just can not go another day without blogging about this chick.... She has this really dope fashion blog Flashy Stylista that I was immediately addicted to! Her style is so unique, completely over the top, brilliant... and she makes some of this shit herself! Her site says she's a "Parisian girl who lives in the Caribbeans with new york city dreams!!" I think those dreams have since come true as she frequently posts pics of her and her crew tearing NYC up! She knows how to have a good time. So.... I think its safe to say I'm in love with her.

Not only is she drop dead gorgeous...

Her nails STAY done...

She thicker than a snicker...

Her swag is on a thousand trillion!

AND her creativity is mind blowing. She MADE those shoes!!!!!!!

She bad as hell.

Yes... I have a crush. A big one.

A letter to white people... In case you forgot (PROFANITY ALERT)

As bad as I am, that still does not change the fact that I am black. That means that sometimes I have to take time out to address issues of racism. So I decided to write a quick letter to white folks. Hopefully all of my bad bitches with a lack of melanin will pass this along.

Dear white people,

Although this has been said over and over again I see soem of you have still missed important memos regarding interactions with blacks.

First of all, STOP TOUCHING OUR FUCKING HAIR! It is an invasion of personal space. And don't give me that bullshit "I'm a stylist" excuse as if that makes it ok. If you are a good, well rounded stylist you should already know what "black" hair feels like. I'm fascinated with how your hair stays oily despite the fact that you wash it all the time, but I don't feel the need to walk up to you, a stranger, and run my fingers through your hair. And if you just HAVE to know what it feels like at least have the decency to ask.

Second thing, STOP ASKING US TO DANCE or TEACH YOU HOW TO DANCE!!! I'm just going to be honest with you, we interpret this as "Go ahead and shuck and jive for us coon!" It just really strikes a nerve. The other thing is... and I hate to go there... but if you can't do what I'm doing on the dance floor it's probably because you don't have any rhythm. Sorry, but I can't help you find the beat and coordinate your movements accordingly. You either have it or you don't.

Also, stop getting upset when you offend black people or someone insinuates you are racist. If you grew up in America, regardless of your race, you are probably racist. Even I can admit that I have issues and assumptions about race that I need to work on. If this is bought to your attention, just learn from the experience.

I'm sure there's more that I just can't think of right now but these were on my mind. That is all.

Oppressed,
A black woman

Friday, April 2, 2010

Our generation's attack on beauty

It is no secret that our beloved hip hop, especially in its newer form, has done some damage. It has damaged the image of Black people, damage to the value of healthy relationships, damage to the ambition of our youth, just to name a few. But one that really sticks out and bothers me is the attack and damage done to beauty itself.

Back in that day, how pretty a woman was tended to be the central focus of her being, and most songs. Back in those days a woman's beauty alone could stop someone in their tracks. With the emergence of our generation's hip hop culture, that practice has all but disappeared. The commodification of women into objects and body parts has made the individual traits that make them unique and beautiful are almost irrelevant. If you don't believe me, pick a new raper and listen as women are lumped in with cars, jewelry, and clothes as objects that affirm the rapper's status. In fact, being classified as "pretty" is merely and added perk to an already near perfect combination of hips, ass, thighs, and a small waist. Alone, it no longer holds any weight.

I find myself more and more disturbed by the implicatins behind this as well as the effects on girls and women. I think it's important and means alot to be able to look in the mirror and recognize your own beauty. But for those growing up and living in a culture that is consistently reminding them that that beauty isn't good enough, how can they ever learn to love themselves? Can they ever look at themselves and be content? Can they ever really be bad bitches without any self esteem?

Hip hop added value and a level of prestige to the term "bad bitch" while simultaneously making it almost impossible to achieve. Now that the damage has been done, I can't say this enough, it is up to us to help bring out the bad bitch in all women... No one else is going to do it.