Thursday, April 22, 2010

Mate in the middle: How to deal with the other woman, or the main one

Ok ladies. We need to talk. I won't front, I have found myself on the receiving end of conversations that start like this... "Are you sleeping with [insert name here]?" and this "Are you [insert name here]'s girlfriend? Because I've been seeing him for..." These are sticky situations, known to get REALLY messy. And it truly does take a bad bitch to know how to handle them. So of course I put together a little guide.

First of all it is important to recognize that the woman calling your phone or approaching you directly is NOT a Bad Bitch. That's right I said it. So for any of you reading this that have approached another female about a mate, you have some things you need to work on! How can I come to such a generalization? Well, if a woman is in a committed relationship with a man and finds out he has ben unfaithful, she now has a problem in her relationship. Does it really matter who the other woman was (there is an exception regarding friends, more on that in my next post)? Her partner has broken a commitment to her, not that other woman, who may or may not even know she exists. Remember, a Bad Bitch always handles her shit gracefully. Calling another bitch about YOUR fucked up relationship is NEVER a good look. And even if you aren't in a committed relationship, but find out one of your boo's is, calling his/her partner to expose him is really NOT YOUR PLACE. Let your boo's partner find out they aint shit on their own. You should only be worried about what YOUR next moves should be.

So now that we have settled that. Here is how you handle being rolled up on by another bitch about a partner.

Scenario 1:
You get a private phone call.
This one is easy, who answers private/unknown phone calls? Its like inviting drama into your life, or a collect from jail.

Scenario 2:
You get a phone call from a random number, you answer it and an angry woman wants to know... "Are you fuckin Erin??" (all names are androgynous and made up)
If you knew Erin had a partner this is easy as well. CLICK. You don't owe her an explanation. She needs to be talking to Erin.
Alternative solution 1: If you had no idea Erin had a partner, say as professional as you can "Excuse me? Who is this?" This works for several reasons. First off, because you sound so professional, her natural instinct is going to make her a little salty with the possibility that she may have just called your job or something on "that bullshit". Second point, it puts the ball in your court as you have now proven that you are the mature adult and not eager to feed into her drama. And the less likely you are to feed into her drama means the less likely she is to bring any. And most importantly, her answer to this question can be used as collateral for the inevitable confrontation with Erin. After she answers, say "well I'm sorry [insert her name] but I'm really not comfortable discussing the details of my personal life with you since I haven't the slightest clue who you are." CLICK.

Scenario 3:
Phone rings... "Hey is this [insert your name]? Well I just wanted to let you know I've been sleeping with [insert your partner's name]"
Now this one is tricky because you have to decide whether or not her claim is valid. For example if you've been a little suspicious, this is probably your proof. But if this seems completely random question when and where these "rendezvous" have been occurring. Get something concrete to go off of. And then say "Thank you for your concern." and CLICK. Even if she's not really concerned, she'll take it as sarcasm and be pissed. But if she tells you she was with your partner on the same night you two were having a romantic evening at home, she's obviously lying and starting mess.. CLICK.

Scenario 4:
I call this one, the Cheaters scenario. You are with your boo (*the two of you are NOT committed) and here comes a woman wondering "Who the fuck is this bitch?!"
Check for his reaction, if he looks guilty and/or starts offering explanations, chuckle a little at the fact that he's busted and excuse yourself. Either find a ride home or drive yourself. DO NOT engage in the woman at all and if she tries to confront you say "You two obviously have some issues that you need to work out and I am not trying to get in the middle." and walk away. Even if he pays her no regard or dismisses her with a "we'll talk later" still excuse yourself and wait to see how he handles the situation. Once the coast is clear, you may return.

Scenario 5:
You are with your partner (committed) and here comes angry other woman wanting to know "Who the fuck is this?!"
Stand your ground. Look your partner straight in the eye and calmly say "Well, tell her who I am" once he complies (which he should if he's really your partner) look at her smile ever so slightly and wait for her reaction. Almost on cue she'll spill the beans about their relationship and when she's finished, give your partner the same sly smile as if you're fascinated with this new piece of information. Then to the other woman, "well if you don't mind we'd like to continue our [whatever it was you were doing before you were interrupted]"

The point ladies is that you do not want to engage the other woman,. or the main woman for that matter. You can handle your business with your partner, and how you handle it is none of her business. Because at the end of the day, she wants a reaction from you. Don't give it to her because your/her partner is really the one who needs to be addressed. in times like these you must never forget the mantra "A bad bitch always wins. If not by merit, she will do so via the grace with which she handles defeat."


  1. omg! sesali i really love your blog its soooo true and teahes the femaleswho think there bad but really not amma need for people i no to check yo blog out..... i love it Donna frazier

  2. Love this and your blog. I especially love the mantra, ""A bad bitch always wins. If not by merit, she will do so via the grace with which she handles defeat."