Sunday, November 21, 2010

Fly away to where you wanna be....

Writer's block. By far the scariest shit I've ever experienced. Cause? In a nutshell, I need to start taking care of myself. If myself was hair, I need to stop putting it in a ponytail and do a deep condition and a hot oil treatment.

Anyway, the matter at hand. A change of location is one of the most therapeutic things you can do. And sometimes it's what will keep you alive.

One of my best friends is moving. My best friend that I spend about 78% of the week with is moving to a different part of the country. My older sister told her
"you're breaking my sister's heart. She won't even talk to us about it."
Well sis, you stand corrected. I'm not heartbroken at all. My best friend needs to take of herself, something I have been failing to do for myself, and this is how she is going to do it. I'm going to miss her, duh... but I understand what it's like to feel trapped and suffocated by your physical location and need to just "fly away" as the bff calls it.

By the end of my time at my old campus I had began to die. That may sound a bit dramatic but that's what happened. My mind slowly but surely began to close its doors and windows. My heart was in harm's way. My body, it literally started to break down on me (I now have $4,000 in medical bills as a reminder). That place (I won't name it out of respect for those that find peace and happiness there, but if you know me you know where it is) was toxic to me. It was draining the life from me, making it that much harder to live. I was a shell. Things didn't look up for me until the moment I knew I was leaving.

Chicago didn't present the things I had expected/hoped for, it's different now that I'm older. But leaving that other place was enough to revive me. I'm breathing now and have regained feeling. I'm still paralyzed, and still filling the shell that I had become in that small town, but I'll be back to normal, or perhaps someone new, in time.

With that being said, I am looking forward to my best friend moving. I don't want to see her walking dead. A new place, a new potential for inspiration, creativity, and opportunities is like an inner body makeover. Changing the outside affects the inside. And on the flip side, being here without her makes this place different for me as well.

So I encourage you to find out where you wanna be, or at least get the fuck away from where you don't wanna be. Don't worry about what you've established there, that's probably contributing to your misery. Take what's good, leave what's bad and fly away.