Saturday, June 25, 2011

Honesty vs. Truth

"Honesty don't mean shit if it aint the truth"

I am a recovering fronter... I think I have to lie to kick it... I am as honest as they come, blunt, upfront, all of that. I am honest, but I do not always tell the truth.

Truth is how we feel, truth is our experiences, truth is what we know (and some of what we don't know). Truth IS. I was trying to act like it wasn't.

What I feel, what I've experienced, and what I know is not always what I give people. Why? Get ready for some truth: what I feel is defensiveness and a vague sense of inferiority, what I've experienced is dehumanizing rejection, and what I know is that I'm scarred. So I've been on this mission: Operation Invincible.

Superwoman died. I should have learned from her story, as I will HONESTLY remind any of the women in my life to do. But I did not, and I still have the audacity to think that I can deny parts of me, create others, and become THE Bad Bitch.

The TRUTH is I'm just A bad bitch. With a story, with kinks, with issues, who is vulnerable, who feels hurt, who is human.

I'm honest when I rationalize my life and the circumstances that surround it, as well as my relationships with others and myself. But the truth is I want love, I care deeply for more people than those who know, I'm petrified of rejection, and most importantly all of that is ok (even if I don't know it yet).

I am sharing this TRUTH with you because I have to start somewhere. I have to replace honesty with truth. I felt alone in my humanness and am hoping for just one person to read this and agree that truth>honesty.

"You aint gotta lie to kick it"

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

In the meantime... Just this morning....

Recently I've been looking to the Earth and nature for advice and wisdom on love and just living. Just this morning I asked myself: What the hell does nature really know about love? It does its thing on autopilot. It comes, it grows, it coexists, it dies, without emotion or baggage." And perhaps that is true. But I realized it was a foolish thought to think that all of this happens without love. Just this morning it dawned on me that we can look to the Earth and Universe as the perfect example of love. All that IS (BE), exists and lives (DO) with complete understanding and acceptance of everything else. The Earth offers a perfect example of harmony and interdependence. And yes there is love. The ocean loves so much that it sustains the entire Earth... The trees and vegetation love so much that they self sacrifice to feed and give breath to everything that needs air. The Sun and the Moon.... need I say more? Nothing IS without the other. We are the only ones that neglect the fact that we are ONE and reject the love that literally flows through us.

All this came to me just this morning, though, so what do I know?

Thank You....

...for bearing with me while I had, and still have a personal crisis. Thank you for allowing me some time to just be, and not write (if that's possible). Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to not have the words. Thank you for allowing some space to try to find them, I'm still looking for some of them. Thank you for appreciating my me time. I'm sure I'll be back up and running soon.

Thank you...